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- Dorian Scott Cole
Article
Christmas Giving - Will It Be Enough
The Gift of Each Other
Copyright © 2009 Dorian S. Cole
| Summary Can we expect that giving gifts to others will make them happy? Maybe. |
This Christmas, as always, gifts are flying everywhere. We fret, "Will this person like this? Am I spending enough? Can I afford this? If I give this, will the person feel he has to reciprocate? Will the expense of all of this gift giving make me unhappy? Is unhappiness the end result?"
Psychologists tell us that our happiness does not depend on others. It depends on ourselves. None of us can look to others with the expectation that they are going to make us happy, or that they are responsible for our happiness. That is the way of selfishness, or narcissism.
None of us can look to ourselves as the true source of our happiness. The narcissistic spend all of their time trying to make themselves happy. It's a full time job and the results are meager. Studies show that no matter how much money and things we acquire, we can't have enough to make us happy.
None of us can give enough to make us happy. Giving to others is a wonderful thing, but in the end, endless giving makes us emotionally depleted and unable to provide for ourselves. That is the path of martyrs. We become emotionally depleted when life fails to provide and have rewards. Only the Mother Theresas of this world manage to have a life of endless serving, and that doesn't seem to be the path that God has given most of us.
What are we to do? Christmas is supposed to be a happy time. Is happiness too elusive to pursue?
I get angry with my wife sometimes for not taking care of herself. I give her necessary vitamins, and once in a while explain to her that she has to take responsibility for herself and quit depending on me. She reminds me every once in a while that she wouldn't take her necessary vitamins if I didn't give them to her.
Early in our marriage, she gave 150%, or even 200%. I found that she was saving money from our meager food budget to buy me a book that I badly wanted. Later I found that she had deprived herself of food and personal care items so that I would have plenty (for my demanding work life, and from her love for me). During our child rearing years, I had a travel job and she had the burden of childcare and working, all by herself. All through her life her attention has always been on giving things to others - rarely of getting for herself. She gave endlessly. She depended on me to give to her.
Now the tables are somewhat turned. She leaves home every day to do childcare, while I work from home. I help her get out the door every morning, make lunch, and dinner. Her special treat is a cup of coffee from me. It's just coffee, but it makes her feel loved. I have only on occasion given the 150% that she has, particularly when earning an income. But the balance has swung.
Studies indicate that the most appreciated gifts are those in which the giver spent some time trying to understand what is important to the receiver, and spent some time finding it. In other words, not the last minute item purchased out of deadline desperation and commercial inspiration.
I realize now that happiness doesn't depend on how much you give. It isn't about who is responsible for happiness, or who is responsible for taking care of themselves. It isn't about how fair life is or isn't. It is that we care for each other. We take care of each other. I do things for her: vitamins, coffee, income and budgeting, push to see the doctor. She does things for me: reminders to take medicine when I forget, a special meal or desert (I cook but I can't cook), push to see the doctor, a special gift she knows I want.
So there it is. Giving should be from our care of and for the other person... love. The great religions teach us to love each other. If we can just do that, we're happy. It's a great year round gift.
Yours in Christ,
- Dorian Scott Cole
Author's Books
Are we all going to die on Friday, December 21, 2012? My new book critically examines that question. Available in print and ebook formats from various sources. Secure credit card purchasing. Description.
On Friday, December 21, 2012, are we all going to die? Are there really signposts to the world's end? Does modern prophecy really merge with ancient prophecy? Will all of the Christians suddenly disappear? The answers may surprise you.
Millions of Americans are anxiously waiting for December 21, 2012 to see if the world will end. Despite the fact that signs seem to be everywhere in all ancient and modern prophecy and even science, the major sign pointed to by both Daniel and Christ is overlooked by prophecy interpreters. And interpretation of modern prophecy overlooks intent. Like a scary movie, prophecy is great fun until it starts affecting people's lives.
This book explores how to distinguish the intent of various types of prophecies and oracles, both ancient and modern. The five chapters in this discussion guide are rich in information, providing one legitimate point of view, and are intended to encourage discussion and additional research. A ten meeting discussion group is the minimum recommended.
Subjects to explore include:
- History, and the situations surrounding prophecy
- Types of prophecy
- Other interpretations of prophecy
- Are faith and prophetic belief blind?
- Societies that go bad - are they destroyed?
- Social change - saving ourselves
- The challenges of the 21st.Century
Available in print and ebook formats from various sources. Secure credit card purchasing.
About the author: Dorian Scott Cole is an independent, cross-disciplinary scholar with education and experience in psychology, philosophy, religion, language, visual semiotics, and technology. He is a licensed minister with a mainline denomination with full time pastoral and counseling experience. His education in religion and psychology was through a state university (IU) followed by independent study. Other books and publications: Ontology of God, How to Write a Screenplay, Writers Workshop Script Doctor, www.visualwriter.com, and www.onespiritresources.com.
Reading type: Mainstream, nonfiction.
Ontology of God: The voices of the ancients speak.
Echoing through time are the voices of ancient people telling us about God. From Mesopotamia and Egypt 5000 years ago, often from even earlier oral traditions, every civilization has been inspired to tell us about God. Their voices vary widely and even conflict. Is there a common message that they thought was so important that they had to pass it on? In this book, the ancient voices speak.
This study follows the thread of the basic religious concepts of law, mercy, and love that are prominent in many religions. Major religions around the world are investigated up to the launch of the Common Era when most religions had been developed, including religions that later developed independently such as the Mayan.
These are messages refined by the fire of experience through the ages. The repeated messages collectively bear the tests of validity.
This study also looks at the many methods we use to try to understand God and religious literature. Is the nature of God reflected in what he asks of us? The premise is that it is.
By understanding the nature of God, perhaps we can filter out the many competing voices that tell us that God stands for such things as the murder of innocents and destruction.
The very nature of religion is illuminated in the light of the voices from the ages. But is ancient religion a path that we have lost, or does history hammer out newer voices to bear the truth of new experience as people try to understand their relationship with God?
Available in print and ebook formats from various sources. Secure credit card purchasing.
About the author: Dorian Scott Cole is an independent, cross-disciplinary scholar with education and experience in psychology, philosophy, religion, language, visual semiotics, and technology. Other books and publications: How to Write a Screenplay, Writers Workshop Script Doctor, www.visualwriter.com, and www.onespiritresources.com.
Reading type: Mainstream Scholarly Specialist
Distribution notice:
You are welcome to make standard size quotations from this article with proper attribution (Dorian Scott Cole, One Spirit Resources Web site). This material is not public domain and may not be sold, mass distributed, published, or made electronically available in any form, without permission from Dorian Scott Cole.